Assorted bar stories and assertions I don’t back up
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Author Archives: jessemillergordon
The Toilet Shop
Smith’s Refurbished Toilet Shop has lived in six locations, all within the same three block radius. The small storefront’s doors were first opened by a man named Gary in Greenpoint, Brooklyn on a cold April morning in 1940. The business was turned over to his reluctant son, Yitzhak, in 1972 . All sorts of toilets … Continue reading
Baby Yoda at the Chateau
Baby Yoda reaches for their second consecutive American Spirit, lighting it thoughtfully and holding in the first drag, just so. Their long ears relax to the sides of their wide head, their large watery dark eyes closed for a pregnant pause. “I mean, I’ll do the coo, if it’s legitimately for a kid, or it’s … Continue reading
Complaints and Grievances, Part 2
1:03 PM Frank had had an extensive hand in designing the auxiliary office that he now oversaw. Sending him here was a particular twist of the knife, as his first official task upon receiving his penultimate promotion, was to be a location scout and manage the design team for this off site facility. They played … Continue reading
Complaints and Grievances, Part 1
4:07 AM Frank lay in bed paralyzed. The room was still, the sheets frayed from decades of tossing and turning. Sunday was laundry day, it was Tuesday, no, Wednesday now. It was Wednesday morning. Quarter past four in the morning.His father would say “Once you hear a delivery truck, it’s not night time anymore.” If … Continue reading
Sound & Fury Merch Report, 2008
I am wearing the Skarhead shirt I bought off Sammy the Mick (RIP) for $5 during the Trapped Under Ice set at the third Sound and Fury festival, the first at the Earl Warren Fairgrounds near Santa Barbara. The moment I arrived, I handed off the keys to my ‘95 Volvo 850 (crimson) to Paul … Continue reading
Take My Blood, Don’t Shake My Hand
It was the odd party night in early February New York. The mix of a brutal door and cold weather can send two people home together faster than if they’d actually made it into the club and socialized a bit. My apartment at the time sucked, but it was centrally located and the woman who’d … Continue reading
Three Barbour Jackets in 12 Years
Children are the sort of ingrates that need to be tricked into nourishment. My parents, lovers of the arts who didn’t decide to have a kid until their very late 30’s, knew this to be a truth. Just a few years ago I convinced my Mom, both of us still grieving a freshly dead father/husband, … Continue reading
Nobody Headlines the Danville Grange
The Danville Grange hall is located on Diablo Rd. in Danville, California. It’s a big municipal space next to a creek, with a three foot stage, and built in seats lining either side of the hall. I think you rent your own PA, or you rent it from them. During the week the venue hosts … Continue reading
Hangover Forever
What I’m Here For Bartending is legal drug dealing. 88 thousand people die from alcohol related deaths every year in the U.S. alone. Still, it’s a legal and socially enforced part of adulthood that spans humanity. There’s the customer, a physical divider, the bartender (hello) and then finally, the product. If the product isn’t served … Continue reading
