He’d pissed his pants tracking guitar parts by day two. Day three he threw up for a couple hours then got two songs down before he got the shakes, did a third before he was too drunk to record a fourth. He’d written all the songs, most of the lyrics too. Continue reading
Author Archives: jessemillergordon
On Nothingness
One time, after a fun night, I put my head down on the counter of Cup & Saucer and said nothing. The woman I’d spent the night with asked if I felt “like an empty room.” Continue reading
The Dog News, Episode 2
The year is 2062 and things haven’t gotten any better on Planet Earth…in fact, they’ve gotten far worse. But what were you expecting? Throughout all the wreckage and chaos, all the wars, the plagues, The infiltration of the lizard people, and the collapse of the Republic, people have found a way to be the same … Continue reading
Looking Stupid Holiday Guide 2020 *Bonus Edition*
Leopard Shark (medium) I forgot the sharks. They were literally the first thing that came to mind when I thought about the perfect holiday item for that special someone, and then they fell off the back of the truck. I thought that just because Great White Sharks basically always die in captivity wouldn’t stop someone … Continue reading
Looking Stupid Holiday Gift Guide 2020
A Gun (no link, do your own research) Listen man, I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. It’s a guide not an instruction manual. I’ve never even shot a gun. The last time I held one M***** H*** had put it in my hands next to his van outside the … Continue reading
The Dog News, Episode 1
The year is 2062 and things haven’t gotten any better on Planet Earth…in fact, they’ve gotten far worse. But what were you expecting? Throughout all the wreckage and chaos, all the wars, the plagues, The infiltration of the lizard people, and the collapse of the Republic, people have found a way to be the same … Continue reading
Sport and Sanity 2020
It has become increasingly evident that a depressed athlete is about as productive as a physically injured athlete. Psychic scarring in an ever changing world with high stakes demands and a bottomless pit of choice after a lifetime of discipline must feel like waking up a house of mirrors every morning. To enter into a … Continue reading
Hangover Forever #2
Assorted bar stories and assertions I don’t back up
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The Toilet Shop
Smith’s Refurbished Toilet Shop has lived in six locations, all within the same three block radius. The small storefront’s doors were first opened by a man named Gary in Greenpoint, Brooklyn on a cold April morning in 1940. The business was turned over to his reluctant son, Yitzhak, in 1972 . All sorts of toilets … Continue reading
Baby Yoda at the Chateau
Baby Yoda reaches for their second consecutive American Spirit, lighting it thoughtfully and holding in the first drag, just so. Their long ears relax to the sides of their wide head, their large watery dark eyes closed for a pregnant pause. “I mean, I’ll do the coo, if it’s legitimately for a kid, or it’s … Continue reading